J.D. McGillicuddy's: Ardmore, PA

Name: J.D. McGillicuddy's
Website: http://www.jdmcgillicuddys.com/locations/ardmore.php
Type: Bar
Location: Ardmore, PA
Occupancy: Multiple
Porcelain: One toilet, one "urinal"

"Cuddy's" is a favorite bar for me and my friends. We have taken over many a Tuesday night with our horrible karaoke abilities. It's a really chill place, and one of the few places I know that actually springs for TRUE HD CABLE on EACH of their HDTVs. So, what's the story with the bathroom? Spoiler alert: it is terrible.

Cleanliness
Really? You can't even keep it clean? This bathroom is messy, gross, and smells like piss. Not looking good so far.
Result: FAIL (no points)

Privacy
This is where I really get peeved. You walk into the closet-sized bathroom, and there is a toilet to your right, and a TROUGH to your left. Not only do you have no privacy for when you really have to go, but the "urinal" is basically a bunch of guys pissing into the same hole. Add on to that the fact that the window is wide open to the adjacent building and that the door DOES NOT HAVE A LOCK ON IT, and you're looking at the worst-case scenario for a bathroom. SHAME ON YOU.
Result: FAIL (no points)

Flushing
The toilet flushes fine, but the flush on the trough is basically running a light stream of water over a giant gross bowl. No decision.
Result: NO DECISION (0.5 points)

Dryers
By some mercy of the lord above, Cuddy's at LEAST decided to use paper towels. They are pretty convenient and there is a not-awful trash can.
Result: PASS (1 point)

Mirrors
Really tiny mugshot mirror over the sink, and if you look in it, you are standing pretty much ON the door. You can't even see if you spilled mustard on your shirt.
Result: FAIL (no points)

Music
The only time you're getting "overhead music" is when the karaoke or DJ are so loud that you can't hear anyone anyway. Nothing extra in the bathrooms, so nothing extra in the point column either.
Result: FAIL (no points)

Reviewer Tilt
Not only is there no extraneous upside to this bathroom ... oh no, that's not enough. I am considering this category "Privacy Pt. II" for Cuddy's, and penalizing an entire extra point for the stupid nonsense they have going on.
Result: no points

Score: 1.5 out of 7 (21.4%)

What This Means For You: This is the worst bathroom that I have reviewed for Commode Node thus far. The epic combination of NEGATIVE privacy and the smell of a barn make this a truly revolting experience. Here's a true story for you: I once got bartender permission to use the GIRLS bathroom so I could avoid the disaster zone they're trying to pass for a mens room here. NOT. RECOMMENDED.